If you’ve stayed at the inn recently you’ve probably felt eyes staring you down, or developed a sneaking suspicion you were being followed. Your instinct was not unfounded. Shadow has long been a visitor at the Elswick household, stopping by on her daily rounds of the neighborhood, but a few months ago she came to stay. These days, she enjoys sleeping in the cushioned wicker chairs on the side-porch, peering at guests through the dining room window, and doing meet-and-greets with her new friends as they come and go. I caught up with Shadow and got her to take a break in her busy schedule to discuss her new lifestyle with me.
5:00 AM Time to rise, shine, and alert my humans to what a big, bright, beautiful day it is! Sam mutters unflattering things about my sleep habits as he grumblingly lets me out, but I can tell he loves me. After all, if he didn’t love me, why would he tolerate the way I walked across his face in the wee hours?….hmm.
6:00 AM Spending this time doing top-secret cat things, like sniffing stuff and stalking the tree squirrels. This is my “me” time, my time to recharge before I have to head inside, turn on the charm, and share with the two-leggers my insight about inner peace and contentment. And stuff.
8:45 AM My Biggest Fans (which is how I like to refer to Sharon and Sam, the servants I have brought into submission beneath my mighty paw) are serving breakfast in the dining room. I think I’ll hop up on the AC unit outside and stare fixedly at their guests through the window for awhile. If they think I’m cute I’m in luck, and if they don’t maybe I can freak them out. Freaking out people with my stare is one of the best parts of being a cat! Hehehehe.
9:10 AM No luck winning over the humans inside. I’ll just stroll around to the back door and meow piteously, looking as lonely and neglected as I can manage until someone lets me in. Looking lonely and neglected, by the way, is very hard work because I have that sleek, well-fed appearance that’s difficult to disguise. Also a very snazzy new collar. *Sigh*
9:15 A likely suspect took pity on me. Now I’m doing Sam the honor of accepting his invitation into his office. My game-plan is to spend an hour or so making his work difficult by draping myself across his keyboard and forcing him to pet me. (Sharon loves it when I do this, also.)
12:00 PM I’m smelling good things brewing in the kitchen. It’s not really fair that I’m served cold stuff in a bowl on the floor. I like pizza too, you know (the meat on top, anyway. The cheese part is kind of icky and gets stuck in my whiskers.) I know they think they’re doing right by me with this fancy organic pet food, but, sheesh. It’s like they think I’m an animal, or something. Having four paws does not make me an animal, it merely means I won the Leg Lottery and they did not.
1:00 PM Having filled my belly, I meander back outside and stretch out on the back porch to admire my kingdom: everything the light touches, and whatnot. I take some time to reflect on my life choices and wonder if I should consider a course of self-improvement: give back to the community more, further my education, etc. Fortunately I fall asleep before I can stress about it.
1:15 PM There’s a squirrel situation that needs investigating. Can’t decide whether or not it’s worth pursing that pesky critter all the way up the tree, so I’ll just sit at the foot and twitch my tail for awhile.
2:00 PM Was so exhausted by my busy and hectic morning that I fell asleep for awhile in a patch of sun. While I dreamed, I sensed the presence of another cat somewhere in the periphery. This jolted me back into the realities of my life. Must protect my kingdom from intruders!
2:47 PM Making the rounds of the neighborhood. I used to live with a family in the area, but their dog and I had differences of interest. I’m not really a “dog person” so I began to explore other options in the community. Still, I like to say hello occasionally.
3:00 PM Check-in time!!! Gotta get back in time for this. This is a big moment for me. I like to sit at the backdoor and watch guests arrive. I turn on the full megawatt radiance of my charm, gazing up with sad eyes and meowing piteously. People love that, and I always get lots of pats and make lots of friends. I’m such an admired public figure these days.
6:00 PM Most of the guests have made it in by now. Still, I bother to drape languorously over the back-porch railing, prepared to provide a welcome for any stragglers. If someone wants to tell me what a pretty kitty I am, I won’t deprive them of the pleasure. (I’m amazingly humble and generous despite what a glorious creature I am.)
6:30 PM Suppertime!!! I scold my people for making me wait ALL DAY LONG, but then apologize by acting eager to get at my supper-dish. It’s a delicate balance, managing all of these sensitive human emotions.
6:35 PM Still not pizza. Or venison. Or anything wonderfully delicious. I swear. Still, this stuff from a can ain’t half bad. And it does smell fabulous–I don’t know why they don’t think so. What’s more appealing than dead-fish-smell?
7:00 PM Time for a thorough after-dinner bath. My favorite place is atop Sharon’s laptop: it warms me as I lick, and it forces her to take a break. She views it as a cute inconvenience, but I like to think of it as a public service, really.
7:30 PM Just enough time for a good long nap before bed.
11:00 PM The guests are all safely tucked away in their rooms, and the humans are at last finished their work. I curl up in between them while they put their feet up for a few minutes and watch something on television. Their choice in programming is pretty lame—hello, have they never heard of Animal Planet?!? I need to watch my cousins take down antelope in Africa and stuff.
11:15 PM Drifting off to sleep. Gotta rest up for later. Right about the time my people go to sleep is when I conduct the first fire-drill across their faces. Gotta keep them sharp, just in case there’s ever a legitimate emergency they need to wake up for. I regard this as a another public service—my little way of keeping my guests safe. They’ll never know everything I do to make their stay at the inn better—constantly patrolling the perimeters, monitoring what’s going on, keeping the tree squirrels at bay. You see these things around my neck? They aren’t I.D tags, they’re my Medals of Honor.
At least, that’s what my people tell me.